February 25, 2004

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Seven years later

It's been seven years since sweet Miss Mollie entered heaven.  I can't believe it has been that long since I held my baby girl.  Some times it seems like an eternity and sometimes it seems like just yesterday.  If I had known what was going to happen in the beginning I probably would have lost my mind or ran the other way.  Thankfully, God in His grace reveals things to us slowly.  

Mollie changed my life.  Before her and what we went through, I was barely a mediocre Christian.  I knew the Lord and believed in Him.  I believed His word and that He would always be with me but I had never KNOWN it before.  During that time in my life, I was alone most of the time.  I was in another country, away from my extended family, and the family that was in the same country with me was more than an hour drive away.  No one around me spoke my language fluently and all the ideas and customs were different. 

I once asked God why He had me go through that with all those factors in place.  I explained to Him that if I had been here in the US, with family and friends around, it would have been easier.  He gently spoke to my heart telling me that He had to remove everything I held onto for support in order to get me to only look to Him and to rely on Him completely.  I finally understood. 

I am grateful for that time.  I am grateful because I learned unconditional love.  I have always loved my children but now that I have lost one, I understand deeper love for them.  I know that there is no guarantee for how long they will live or that nothing ‘bad’ will ever happen to them.  I know that they aren’t really mine.  They belong to the Lord.  Only He knows the number of days they have and what will happen in those days.  And best of all, He loves them more than I ever could even imagine.  I rest in the knowledge that He is in control of all things.  Not because someone told me that but because I have witnessed His hand in my life.  It also makes heaven a sweeter place.  I know that I will be there with my family again one day.  I don’t want to have to watch even one more person die but if I have to, I know that I will survive and He will be with me every single step of the way. 

Two 1/2 years after Mollie died, her daddy followed her into Heaven.  He battled brain cancer bravely but lost his fight.  I know that they are in heaven together, praising our Lord. 

God has a way of bringing things around.  As Romans 8:28 says:  "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God to those who are called according to His purposes."

The Lord brought good out of all of this.  He taught me lessons and gave me a compassion for others that I didn't have before.  I'm grateful for that. 

"I will love You, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:1-2

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