February 25, 2004

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Saying goodbye......

March 28, 2004 was a Sunday and we went to church as a family.  The hospital called on the cell phone while we were there and I knew it was bad. They wanted to see us both that afternoon. We took the kids to lunch and then drove them home before making the drive to Marburg.

When we arrived they told us that she had been struggling all night long and that the tube was causing pain in her nose. They asked us again about intubation and life support, informing us that it would not change the outcome but it may make her more comfortable.

With a peace that only God could give, we decided to remove the large tube in her nose and replace it with a smaller one. This would of course reduce the amount of oxygen but it would make her more comfortable.

They also told us that they had cleared a room and we could stay with her until the end. The removal of tube was done and we were quickly ushered to the room. 

There were 2 nurses hovering over us and 1 more in the wings as well as a doctor. At the time I didn't understand but I later learned that they weren't even sure she would make it to the room. Eventually they left us alone.

We had her to ourselves! Throughout the night someone would peek in but for the most part we were finally alone with our baby girl. I treasured every moment.

The next morning, a doctor came by and told me that they were surprised at how well she did. We were cautiously celebrating. After an exam, it was evident that not much had changed. I believe that night and day were God's gift to me. He knew I needed some time and He graciously allowed me to have it. I spent nearly 24 hours with her.

One of the nurses made this card for us.
At the end, I whispered to her how much we loved her as I stroked her sweet head and tears streamed down. She peacefully took her last breath held closely against me.

As I reflect on that day, ten years later, I am still in awe of God's grace and love and His constant presence. Throughout this journey, He has been by my side every step, even when I don't feel it. 

At her service on May 15, 2004

And I know without a doubt that she is there in heaven, with our heavenly Father and her earthly father, awaiting our glorious reunion. Heaven is a little sweeter to me with a piece of my heart already there.

Thank you to my sister and her family for visiting and placing flowers today! I appreciate the thoughtfulness.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

The last few days

Ten years ago today, Cortnie and I went to visit Mollie. It had only been a few days since we almost lost her and I was still raw.

I was pulled aside by the doctors to discuss her current state. They informed me that many times throughout the night her levels would drop and she would be moments from death. They knew my desire to be with her when she took her last breath so they suggested I consider staying in the area rather than driving the 1 hour home. They were fairly certain the end would come quickly and I probably wouldn't make it in time.

I was shattered. I knew this was coming but it was as if the last ray of hope had been removed. I was so angry and scared. But I had to be brave. Cortnie was with me and she was only 10 years old. I couldn't explain to her what I couldn't understand myself.

We drove home in silence as I tried to figure out what to do.

Today I learned that a sweet baby boy was born in New York with a Vein of Galen Malformation. I don't know the details, just that he is not well. He is in the presence of a doctor whom I have heard a lot about in the past few years. A doctor who is a miracle worker when it comes to VOGM and for that I am thankful. Most importantly he is in the hands of our God who is the ultimate doctor and miracle worker.

As I reflect on my sweet Mollie and her life, I remember that God is with me too. He was there 10 years ago and He is here now. Although my hands are shaky as I type and my eyes fill with tears remembering the pain, I am comforted by the fact that God has and will continue to bring me peace.

I think of the family of the sweet baby boy who is in NY fighting for his life. I know they are scared and anxious and confused and feeling a myriad of emotions right now as they fervently pray for their baby boy. I can, and have, reached out to them. To pray, to listen and to offer words of encouragement. And for that, I am honored. This is not a road I wanted to be on, but it has given me the ability to encourage and support others.

Please join me in prayer for this little guy and his family.
Thank You Lord that You are a God who sees and a God who knows. Thank You that You are a God who heals and comforts. I lift up this precious baby boy and his family to You. Bring him healing. Give the Dr. wisdom and direction. Give his family peace and comfort.